Clause 1 - Contact activity directions and conditions
Children and Adoption Bill [Lords]
4:15 pm
Tim Loughton (Shadow Minister (Children), Health; East Worthing and Shoreham, Conservative)
It was a very good intervention, though, to be generous to the hon. Lady. I understand her point, but in keeping with the generality, we risk directing parents to seek guidance, assistance, counselling or whatever for things that bypass fundamental problems, which may be why they were accused by one partner of not having proper contact with their children before the split happened.
The new favourite television programme of those of us who have taken an interest in this Bill, and everyone I have met as I have been briefed on the Bill, is all about divorce and shows late at night. A rather interesting child psychologist visits two warring parents to try to mediate between them. In the few moments I have had away from trying to study the Bill and cram on it, I have seen a couple of the programmes, which were absolutely fascinating. I saw one last week, or the week before, where a couple had split very acrimoniously. One criticism of the husband, who became the non-resident parent, was that he spent all his time watching football on television or going to football matches and was therefore not spending quality time with his children. He thought, as a treat, that he would take his children around Toys R Us where he was keen to buy them toys, and board games in particular, so that he could go home, play games with them and spend some quality time. The trouble was that he was trying to impose what he wanted to do by choosing board games that he was interested in, which usually had a football theme, but his two daughters did not have an awful lot of interest in that.
That man was trying to do the right thing for his children but was actually doing what he wanted to do, rather than what they wanted. The whole thing was quite fascinating. He had to go through a catharsis: he had to put football on one side and do things that put his children first and that his children really wanted to do. The quality time he was then able to spend was far more beneficial and enjoyed more by the children, so it was beneficial for all involved. It was quite interesting to see that happen in a media, “Big Brother” sort of a way.
The point of that example is that there was a specific shortcoming; the man was thinking within his own mindset rather than in those of his children as he tried to improve the quality of the relationship between them. We have probably all been guilty of that. There are those of us who try to take our children to political meetings or political coffee mornings on the basis that we are spending time with them, but are nine-year-olds really all that interested in drawing the raffle at the blue-rinse brigade’s latest event?
We have to consider such problems in our work-life balance, to use the topical phrase, which is why “specific shortcomings” can address such things. It can be suggested that parents should get assistance to enable them to see their children’s needs through their children’s eyes, rather than their own, which are slightly skewed. That applies only to a small number of parents, perhaps, and it is horses for courses: everyone is unique. However, it is an example of where the wording of the amendment would be more appropriate.